The Beginning
My father said it when I was four years old.
I was the child who never stopped talking. I asked endless questions, offering commentary on absolutely everything, telling stories before I had the words to tell them properly. One evening, my father came home from work to find me waiting at the door with yet another barrage of questions. He looked at me and said: "Clearly, you're going to be a lawyer."
He was right.
I qualified as both a solicitor and a barrister in the UK. I spent the next thirty-five years in some of the highest-stakes professional environments that exist, in boardrooms, negotiating tables, courtrooms, and client meetings where everything hung on what was said and how it was said.
And then came the moment that changed everything.
It was a cold Tuesday afternoon in London, in one of those glass towers where the walls are lined with boardrooms and the coffee is always strong. We were negotiating the final terms of a contract that had taken months to get to this point. Two teams of lawyers and their clients, seated around a long, shiny table. Millions of dollars riding on the outcome. Everyone tense, polite, and determined.
We went through the contract clause by clause. Compromise here, a concession there. Things were progressing. And then we reached Clause 153.
Back and forth we went. No progress. Neither side willing to give way. Coffee was refilled endlessly. Arguments grew more entrenched with every round. And then Jeremy – our head of department, leading the negotiation – stood up.
He drew himself to his full height. His voice was hard and uncompromising."This clause is non-negotiable. The time has come. You either take it or leave it."
The room froze.
Across the table, I watched helplessly as the lawyers began gathering their papers, sliding them into briefcases. The clicks as they snapped the locks echoed around the room like gunshots, sharp, final, impossible to take back. Months of work, gone in an instant.
As a junior lawyer, it was devastating to witness. And to my mind, it was simple. Jeremy had allowed his ego to take the lead. He had taken a position, and nothing was going to shift him.
That was the day I understood how fragile communication is. How one sentence can torpedo trust and possibility. How the gap between what we mean to say and what we actually communicate can cost everything.
That moment sent me on a quest.
The search
At first I did what any lawyer would do. I read everything I could find about negotiation, persuasion, and communication. But I wanted to go deeper.
So I qualified as a psychotherapeutically trained mediator under the renowned psychotherapist, the late Dr. Freddie Strasser, My goal was to understand not just what conflict is about, but why it happens. That training opened my eyes to the psychology of conflict and to a simple but profound truth: people communicate best when they feel safe, respected, and heard.
From there, I immersed myself in research, from psychology and psychotherapy to neuroscience, behavioural science, emotional intelligence, leadership studies, and cross-cultural communication. I joined Toastmasters and eventually competed at the highest levels of international speech competition, winning at Club, Area, and Division level and reaching the District Final, all the while learning and understanding how connection happens in communication.
What I discovered across all of that research was this: the people who communicate most effectively – in any context – share five qualities.
These were not just qualities. They were a code – a repeatable formula for communication that builds trust, accelerates progress, and transforms relationships.
I call it The HACKS Code.
The HACKS Code
The HACKS Code is the foundation of everything I do with leaders and organisations, through keynotes, workshops, and consultancy. And it is now a book, publishing October 2026. Click below to discover more about The HACKS Code.
Working globally
Although based in Marbella, Spain, I work with leaders and organisations globally, both in person and virtually.
I built The HACKS Code because I believe it can genuinely change how leaders communicate. That belief is what drives every keynote, every workshop, and every conversation I have with the people and organisations I work with.
If something on this page has resonated, I would be glad to connect. Use the options below and let’s start the conversation.
In brief
- Practising solicitor and barrister — over thirty years
- Creator of The HACKS Code
- Psychotherapeutically trained mediator — trained under Freddie Strasser
- Winner of several public speaking awards including Toastmasters Club Area and Division Champion and District Finalist 2026
- Working globally, in person and virtually
Books by Remi Aiyela
Remi’s legal book and Amazon bestseller, Making a Will, is available on Amazon. Click here to order.
Ready to connect?
Whether you are curious about The HACKS Code, considering a keynote, or simply want to say hello — I would be glad to hear from you. Let’s connect on LinkedIn using the button below. Or, you can book a call with me if you’re ready to discuss your requirements. You can also send me a message using the Get In Touch button to access my contact form. Let’s start the conversation!